What to expect in your first session
Most people arrive at a first session braced for something harder than what actually happens. Here is what the hour really looks like.
Almost everyone who walks into a first session has spent some time dreading it. The most common worry I hear is some version of: what if I cannot explain it properly, or what if I cry, or what if I have nothing to say. So it seems worth describing what the first session is actually like.
You do not have to start at the beginning
There is no requirement to give me a chronological account of your life, and no requirement to tell me the hardest thing first. Plenty of first sessions begin with what happened last week, or with the fact that you have been meaning to do this for two years and finally booked. Anywhere is a legitimate place to start.
If you would rather I ask the questions, say so, and I will. Some people want to talk and be listened to. Others would much prefer some structure while they get their bearings. Both are fine.
What I will want to understand
Over the first session or two I am building a picture: what brought you here now rather than a year ago, what you have already tried, who is around you, how you are sleeping and functioning, and what you would like to be different. If there are things in your history that feel relevant, we will get to them, but at a pace you set.
I will also ask about safety - whether you have had thoughts of harming yourself, and whether you feel safe at home. I ask everybody. It is not because of something you said.
You are allowed to say "not yet"
If I ask about something you are not ready to discuss, "I would rather not talk about that today" is a complete answer. It does not derail anything, and I will not push. Being able to say no in the room is part of the work, particularly for people who have not had much practice at it.
Crying, going blank, and other normal things
People cry in first sessions. People also go completely blank, laugh at inappropriate moments, apologise constantly, or spend the first ten minutes talking about the weather and the drive in. None of this is a problem, and none of it means you are doing therapy badly. There is no doing it badly.
By the end of the session
We will usually have a rough sense of what we are working on and how we might approach it, and I will tell you honestly if I think a different kind of support would serve you better. You will also have a chance to ask me anything - about how I work, how many sessions people typically have, what happens between sessions, or anything else.
And then you decide. There is no obligation to book again on the spot, and no awkwardness if you would rather go away and think about it. Finding the right therapist matters more than finding one quickly.